Umm I'm too high to move.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
