I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
