He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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