I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
