This is not my ceiling
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
