I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
