he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
