Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
