matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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