you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
