OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
