It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
