Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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