Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This toilet bowl is my home.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
