I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
