Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
