so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
