and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
