I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The ass gains better be worth it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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