you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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