dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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