god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
