Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize