you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
