Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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