We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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