Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
