no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
