yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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