i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
