It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
