Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
