so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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