I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
