Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
