love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
false alarm. still invincible.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
