the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
50% drunk capacity currently
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
