so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
