my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My vagina is very pro this idea
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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