I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
