Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
