Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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