FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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