based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
