Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
