My friends, they love my intelligence
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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