Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
