Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

Fav 26 1129 3876
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(806): View more from Texas

Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

Fav 7 3048 1671
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(714): View more from California

Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

Fav 10 904 5169
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(961): View more from

I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

Fav 28 8047 2041
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed

Fav 7 4927 1227
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(219): View more from Indiana

surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

Fav 9 3517 1289
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.

Fav 14 3400 1379
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(360): View more from Washington

It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!

Fav 1 435 372
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(847): View more from Illinois

I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.

Fav 0 31 10
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