I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
