I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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