Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
