hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize