she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
