i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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