just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize