That's intense
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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