I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
