yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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