i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
