I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
