You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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