Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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