He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
