Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
