Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize