I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
