We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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