brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
