he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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