dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
