i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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