And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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